This topic is quite sensitive for me to open up about, as I do have a great deal of regret and shame about this time in my life. However, I have learned throughout my education and work that I am not alone. I am choosing to share my story in hopes of inspiring even one person who is struggling or recovering from disordered eating eating. Even if you are not struggling with an eating disorder and instead are struggling with something else is your life, I want this to be a reminder that you are not alone. I am always available to guide you and be an open ear to listen.
*please note that this post may contain triggers for those working through their disordered eating*
For as long as I can remember, I have had a poor self-image. Throwback to grade school, I remember that in my mind, all of the ‘popular’ girls were pretty and skinny. From then on, I thought in order to be popular and get attention, you had to be skinny. Then came the aggressive dieting and exercising … I recall numerous ‘diet plans’ that I attempted to help me look more like those popular girls. This dieting was so extreme that I would even make a salad and take it to the Mexican restaurant that my family would eat at every Friday evening. I would want to partake in the Mexican food with them so badly, but my mind was telling me that I needed to eat my salad or else I would gain weight. Boy did I miss out on some good food!
Fast forward to high school, I had a friend that I spoke with every morning before classes began. One day, I was telling her about how much I had been exercising in order to lose weight. She responded to this by telling me that she had that same problem, but recently found a solution. She said she would eat whatever she wants, and then afterward she purged the food. I found this information strange at the time, as I did not know much of anything about disordered eating. So, I put this information in the back of my mind and went on with my day.
As time went by, I began thinking more and more about what my friend told me. Eventually the information worked its way to the forefront of my mind, and one day I tried it. It was terrible, but I continued because I eventually noticed some weight loss. I felt weak and sensed my body changing in a negative way, but I found that I could not stop. About a year and a half went by, and I was off to college with this secret of mine. However, my first semester I took a course called Intro to Food & Nutrition.
This was a major turning point for me. I learned about disordered eating, was deeply inspired, and soon began my path to recovery. I opened up to some of my closest family and friends, and they were able to assist me through this difficult time. From there, I went on to pursue Dietetics at Michigan State, so that one day I could potentially help someone who was in the same position as I was. Looking back, I had a great support system and many resources to help guide me in my recovery. Now, I am looking to be that support system for others, whether they are recovering from an eating disorder, working to manage their diabetes, lose/gain weight, and so on.
I am not saying that I have everything figured out by any means. I definitely still have moments of doubt and I am always working on being better and increasing my self-esteem. However, I have learned how to not only tackle the ‘condition’, but to look at the individual as a whole and strive to grow both mentally and physically stronger. I hope that this post inspires you to tackle your challenges. I hope it also inspires you to reach out to your loved ones to check in on them. You never know what others are struggling with.
xoxo, Syd